he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I want to fling myself into the sun
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
