Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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