how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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