is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
