I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
