We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
