i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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