i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
