if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
