It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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