His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
