zippers are such a cool invention
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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