Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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