I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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