The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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