Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
