Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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