You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
