I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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