I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
