Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
