im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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