I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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