if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
