is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
