Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
