Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
