sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
