scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
