Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
