Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
