College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize