Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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