we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
