No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
