I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
