I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need moral support for this bender
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
