That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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