dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
