everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Someone came in the potted fern
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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