You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
