my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
