In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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