After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
