I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize