youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
