so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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