Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize