I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
