I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
