I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
