Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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