Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
