It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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