my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize