smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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