So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize