So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
