She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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