Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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