i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
