I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
