You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize