She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
