His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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