Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
