i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
