FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
