I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
