i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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