tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
