Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
