Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
