I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
