Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
