If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
