Just fell off a train. Bad.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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