he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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