There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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