somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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