Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
