the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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