I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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