Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
