pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
