I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
