just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i now understand why vodka
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
