9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
