We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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