I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
false alarm, still single
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