Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
