she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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