I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
