i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
