its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
