And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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