im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
