is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
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