so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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