last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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