My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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