Umm I'm too high to move.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
