he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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