oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize