I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So much rum. So many feels.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
