we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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