so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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