When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
