it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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