He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
