Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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