Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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