May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize