I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
