and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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