id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
