I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
